Good news and bad news? You tell me.
In civil service, a high profile job is always good. Because that is when you get the opportunities to rub shoulders with the higher management whom you don't have the chance to encounter in your normal day of work. Just like the game snake and ladder, if you got to the space with ladder (which means you pull it off), there you go. Skip many steps to go up.
But, if you land up in snake, (boo boo ) then you slide down many steps. If one is super unlucky, can return to the starting point.
Today, I was told by my director that I am out of the art project. The one that i sweat blood to research, study was off my hand. Not that I am no good. But because this project is too high powered and even my director could not make decision. Working on it is like cha cha.. One step forward, two steps backwards. Rather than me dying with this job, my director wants me out and leave my senior to do it herself. Now without my assistance, her road would be more bumpy ahead.
On a happier note, my paper on a very big project was cleared by my director. So happy!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Office Superband
Like the title said, we have a superband in office, and i am proud to say we are rather good!
The superband consist of colleagues from my division who know somebit about music. Me the conveynor managed to scout few talents who made up the guitarist(s), drummer(s), keyboardist (me me), crooner (ssssss) to name a few.
The office band was formed last year starting from a simple chat over music. It was from there that i discovered that there is a music room in our recreation club, the rest was history.
And me, took up the baton to co-ordinate a session once in a blue moon. Used to be very hot, once a month but then our interest fade off. It is never easy trying to pitch to the keys our singer can hit. We only know how to read the score and chords. Thus some singers are pretty frustrated and sang off key, while the rest of the music makers just played the keys they knew.
I assure you. It was not a goodsound sight.
This evening performance was rather co-ordinated, we had special guest from other division doubling up as drummer/ keyboardist. Even ourrusty standards improved !
Looking forward to the next session soon.
The superband consist of colleagues from my division who know somebit about music. Me the conveynor managed to scout few talents who made up the guitarist(s), drummer(s), keyboardist (me me), crooner (ssssss) to name a few.
The office band was formed last year starting from a simple chat over music. It was from there that i discovered that there is a music room in our recreation club, the rest was history.
And me, took up the baton to co-ordinate a session once in a blue moon. Used to be very hot, once a month but then our interest fade off. It is never easy trying to pitch to the keys our singer can hit. We only know how to read the score and chords. Thus some singers are pretty frustrated and sang off key, while the rest of the music makers just played the keys they knew.
I assure you. It was not a good
This evening performance was rather co-ordinated, we had special guest from other division doubling up as drummer/ keyboardist. Even our
Looking forward to the next session soon.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Boring Sunday
Another boring sunday. Went to Ding Tai Feng with W for lunch. No wonder T complaint that I am getting fat. I got to agree. With no gym and no aerobics,I could hardly pull up my pants!
Mum is lazing at my home since friday. She is contending the title for marathon TV. Lucky she did all my housework (thus saving me the effort to do). I also know better than to nag her otherwise she will get upset all over again!
Yesterday pics on the food wasn't that impressive. So here it goes. More pics.
My favourite thai style steam fish. The meat was just nice and very different from the usual deep fried/ teochew steam style.
Claypot beancurd in sharkfin style. I can assure you that we couldn't tell the difference!
Thai style curry crab. This one was specially done for us. Very like curry chicken but somewhat nicer. It goes very well with toasted garlic bread. Yummy!!!
Must bring T back when he is back on holiday.
Mum is lazing at my home since friday. She is contending the title for marathon TV. Lucky she did all my housework (thus saving me the effort to do). I also know better than to nag her otherwise she will get upset all over again!
Yesterday pics on the food wasn't that impressive. So here it goes. More pics.
My favourite thai style steam fish. The meat was just nice and very different from the usual deep fried/ teochew steam style.
Claypot beancurd in sharkfin style. I can assure you that we couldn't tell the difference!
Thai style curry crab. This one was specially done for us. Very like curry chicken but somewhat nicer. It goes very well with toasted garlic bread. Yummy!!!Must bring T back when he is back on holiday.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Dad's 60th Birthday
It's dad 60th birthday today! The whole family has plans to bring him out for a nice dinner. I suggested a Fish head steamboat whereas brother wanted to eat crab at the famous still road coffeeshop. So thus, we set off early at 6.00pm to the famous Joo Chiat restaurant.
Too our horror! A long queue awaiting.
From this place, we went to the one below.
The International Market & Restaurant in Big Splash.
The food were prepared by the executive Chef Somsak who won the 2005 Food Festival.
The food was great. All thai style prepared. I especially love the fish prepared using lot of green chilli and lemon. Sour and saltish which is very appetising. The claypot beancurd cooked in ala sharkfin style was also good!
Chef Somsak who is my SIL (Ah tar) boss came over and entertained us. I even went to his office and took some silly shots of me in chef uniform!
This pic is taken from Chef Somsak's office, showing off his "The lord of the Sea" the winning dish in 2005 Food Festival.
Too our horror! A long queue awaiting.
From this place, we went to the one below.
The International Market & Restaurant in Big Splash.
The food were prepared by the executive Chef Somsak who won the 2005 Food Festival.The food was great. All thai style prepared. I especially love the fish prepared using lot of green chilli and lemon. Sour and saltish which is very appetising. The claypot beancurd cooked in ala sharkfin style was also good!
Chef Somsak who is my SIL (Ah tar) boss came over and entertained us. I even went to his office and took some silly shots of me in chef uniform!
This pic is taken from Chef Somsak's office, showing off his "The lord of the Sea" the winning dish in 2005 Food Festival.
Friday, June 23, 2006
My colleague T
Sentiments in the office are rather bad lately. Even I am not spared from the depression mood. Colleagues left in bulk and the management isn't appreciative of the work until the day they received their resignations.
How do you view your current job? Is it a career or it is simply just a job. I have posed the questions to many of my colleagues. Most voted the latter, and are colleagues who worked for many years. Like me, already jaded and lost all zest to "cheong".
I am very close to T. He is a nice chap who alway hitch a ride home. A very down to earth man a good father, a good friend, good colleague. However, he is very down on his luck in my office. The bosses have bad impression of him and one particular one take every opportunity to ridicule his english. (and he is an Aussie grad!) He is more of less condemn since he has already passed the chance to promote. Did a poll in my office and 10 out of 10 would say he has no chance of promotion.
After six years, he is the longest serving contract staff in my office. Most of the entries around his time are already promoted or have left. Leaving him, biting the bullet, going on. It doesn't help that he can't write, and always remind us every chance possible that he is being condemn. In the beginning, I took it lightly and encouraged him. But recently, i felt that i can no longer stomach all the "i am victimised" comments.
Perhaps I have a very strong self-esteem. If i think i am not valued in a company despite giving my best shot, I will leave. This is what I said but Mr T has another theory himself. He will only leave if he have an offer (which is fair) but then his criterias in the next job really sabotage his chance of finding one.
First. Don want to work in contractor. 2nd - Want to work in consultant firm/ or developer at the current pay. (say 4.5k?)
Have he ever thought about what he has to offer? Consultant firms don't engage engineer who have no experience in designing, and with his salary expectation. I find his road out of the airport, very difficult.
Unless he do something to change other people's perception of him. Otherwise i think most of us will surpass him in few years to come.
Oh. and i feel that sometimes he just unintentionally do things which make himself looks bad. For example, he likes to claim his time off on every friday afternoon. Since this year (and last) he has been on 1/2 day off every friday. God knows where he got the time to claim time off because non of the engineers on the same duties is claiming the off like he does.
Sigh.. does he knows he is sabotaging his career? Or is he simply bo chap?
What would you do if you were him? Late 3os and going no where?
How do you view your current job? Is it a career or it is simply just a job. I have posed the questions to many of my colleagues. Most voted the latter, and are colleagues who worked for many years. Like me, already jaded and lost all zest to "cheong".
I am very close to T. He is a nice chap who alway hitch a ride home. A very down to earth man a good father, a good friend, good colleague. However, he is very down on his luck in my office. The bosses have bad impression of him and one particular one take every opportunity to ridicule his english. (and he is an Aussie grad!) He is more of less condemn since he has already passed the chance to promote. Did a poll in my office and 10 out of 10 would say he has no chance of promotion.
After six years, he is the longest serving contract staff in my office. Most of the entries around his time are already promoted or have left. Leaving him, biting the bullet, going on. It doesn't help that he can't write, and always remind us every chance possible that he is being condemn. In the beginning, I took it lightly and encouraged him. But recently, i felt that i can no longer stomach all the "i am victimised" comments.
Perhaps I have a very strong self-esteem. If i think i am not valued in a company despite giving my best shot, I will leave. This is what I said but Mr T has another theory himself. He will only leave if he have an offer (which is fair) but then his criterias in the next job really sabotage his chance of finding one.
First. Don want to work in contractor. 2nd - Want to work in consultant firm/ or developer at the current pay. (say 4.5k?)
Have he ever thought about what he has to offer? Consultant firms don't engage engineer who have no experience in designing, and with his salary expectation. I find his road out of the airport, very difficult.
Unless he do something to change other people's perception of him. Otherwise i think most of us will surpass him in few years to come.
Oh. and i feel that sometimes he just unintentionally do things which make himself looks bad. For example, he likes to claim his time off on every friday afternoon. Since this year (and last) he has been on 1/2 day off every friday. God knows where he got the time to claim time off because non of the engineers on the same duties is claiming the off like he does.
Sigh.. does he knows he is sabotaging his career? Or is he simply bo chap?
What would you do if you were him? Late 3os and going no where?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Induction Course
Over the 3 days, today is the most interesting and exciting day of all.
The day started with Mr Rozario teaching us the fundamentals of Writing which was very enriching for bad writers like me. Most of the activities involved hands-on, and each team was made to write and submit their essays for the whole class to comment.
Our team comprised of Me and Hanqi. Potential and George , Shirley and Naomi. It was really fun. We joked, laugh and took the whole writing exercises non too seriously. We nominated Foong, whom we called "Potential" to be the official typist cum writer. "Potential" because he is a scholar and has the highest CEP among all.
Learnt of alot of tips in writing from the trainer. Now i know writing is very important in public service because our boss, judge us based on our writing skills. Our train of thoughts, our coherency, our grammar etc.
Very motivated to improve my writing skills. My promotion depends on it!
The day started with Mr Rozario teaching us the fundamentals of Writing which was very enriching for bad writers like me. Most of the activities involved hands-on, and each team was made to write and submit their essays for the whole class to comment.
Our team comprised of Me and Hanqi. Potential and George , Shirley and Naomi. It was really fun. We joked, laugh and took the whole writing exercises non too seriously. We nominated Foong, whom we called "Potential" to be the official typist cum writer. "Potential" because he is a scholar and has the highest CEP among all.
Learnt of alot of tips in writing from the trainer. Now i know writing is very important in public service because our boss, judge us based on our writing skills. Our train of thoughts, our coherency, our grammar etc.
Very motivated to improve my writing skills. My promotion depends on it!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Who moved my kaya?
An interesting lesson learnt today while I was attending the MOT induction course at civil service college. The trainer showed us an motivating clip of two mice and two little people who spend their time running around a maze looking for cheese. Cheese in this case is a metaphor in which something we want in life. Could be money, career , love whatever.
In the beginning, the two mice Scurry and Sniff together with Hem and Haw found a cheese station C after running around the maze. They kept going back to the cheese station for cheese everyday after. However one day, the cheese ran out / disappear.
So what did the mice and little people do?
The disappearance of cheese signify the changes in life and how we cope and change ourselves when we encounter such situations. In the clip, both scurry and sniff ran out to search for new cheese once the realised that the cheese had ran out. Hem and Haw on the contrary stayed behind hoping that the cheese would re-appear. The cheese never did.
Lessons learnt today.
1. Changes occur in life. One must adapt to changes quickly to look for new cheese. And it occur to me that this is what T is doing. Looking for new cheese because he realised that the cheese he has now will run out in a few years time. He represent the mice, venturing into the maze (unknown) hoping to look for new cheese.
2. Anticipate changes. One must get ready for the cheese to move.
During the training, the cheese issue set me thinking. Me currently like Hem or Haw is too comfortable with the current situation and dislike any changes. But if i don't change and my cheese is moved, what will happen to me? If i venture into the unknown, maybe there is a new and bigger cheese for me.
This is really quite true in business world. One must keep on changing in order to stay relevant. No wonder our government keep on emphasising in innovation, creative, new, changes.
The moral of the story - We must be ready and be quick to change.
My Kaya (Singapore context) has moved, should i chase ?
In the beginning, the two mice Scurry and Sniff together with Hem and Haw found a cheese station C after running around the maze. They kept going back to the cheese station for cheese everyday after. However one day, the cheese ran out / disappear.
So what did the mice and little people do?
The disappearance of cheese signify the changes in life and how we cope and change ourselves when we encounter such situations. In the clip, both scurry and sniff ran out to search for new cheese once the realised that the cheese had ran out. Hem and Haw on the contrary stayed behind hoping that the cheese would re-appear. The cheese never did.
Lessons learnt today.
1. Changes occur in life. One must adapt to changes quickly to look for new cheese. And it occur to me that this is what T is doing. Looking for new cheese because he realised that the cheese he has now will run out in a few years time. He represent the mice, venturing into the maze (unknown) hoping to look for new cheese.
2. Anticipate changes. One must get ready for the cheese to move.
During the training, the cheese issue set me thinking. Me currently like Hem or Haw is too comfortable with the current situation and dislike any changes. But if i don't change and my cheese is moved, what will happen to me? If i venture into the unknown, maybe there is a new and bigger cheese for me.
This is really quite true in business world. One must keep on changing in order to stay relevant. No wonder our government keep on emphasising in innovation, creative, new, changes.
The moral of the story - We must be ready and be quick to change.
My Kaya (Singapore context) has moved, should i chase ?
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I am no computer idiot after all
Great! The chanting must have given me alot of power and good luck. After many futile attempts at setting up my linksys password and also the singnet broadband, I finally got it!
I am so excited. It seems very simple yet how it eludes me for the past 2 weeks. i don't understand. Must be the chanting. Ah ma must be blessing me now. (for going to the chanting ceremony)
I am so excited. It seems very simple yet how it eludes me for the past 2 weeks. i don't understand. Must be the chanting. Ah ma must be blessing me now. (for going to the chanting ceremony)
This time no escape
Having escape the chanting two weeks ago, i have no excuse not to go this time round. The last round chanting was for T's Grand-dad who passed away almost the same time as the grandma, one year later. This time, the chanting is for grandma's 3 years anniverary.
The last chanting lasted for 45 mins. This time, the chanting is increased to 1 and half hours. We were joking that must be because of the 10k donation FIL made to the temple. So the monks must work hard to chant otherwise really not worth oh.
FIL rang me up early at 9am to wake and remind me that the ceremony will start at 1030pm. I will be hitching a ride from my younger brother in law.
Was complaining to T online, and he michievously replied that I need not do all these if I am in China.
Awwww... i feel like smacking his backside!
The last chanting lasted for 45 mins. This time, the chanting is increased to 1 and half hours. We were joking that must be because of the 10k donation FIL made to the temple. So the monks must work hard to chant otherwise really not worth oh.
FIL rang me up early at 9am to wake and remind me that the ceremony will start at 1030pm. I will be hitching a ride from my younger brother in law.
Was complaining to T online, and he michievously replied that I need not do all these if I am in China.
Awwww... i feel like smacking his backside!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Lei Gardens
For a change, the whole family grandkids and all went to the Lei Gardens at Chimes to celebrate my MIL's birthday. It is my first trip to the chimes Lei Gardens. My previous trip was years ago when i was temping for Caltex.
The boiled chicken with sharkin soup was yummy! Very thick and full flavour. Even the chicken meat has absorbed the overall essence. I haven't taste such yummy soup in along long time.
The rest of the meal was disappointing. Not worth the $720 price tag. Even the signature dish - chicken was a tad too salty for my taste. In fact, almost all the dishes were too saltish for me. Even the dessert was too sweet.
Deep fried fish / Sliced fish fried with French Beans.
Steam prawns with egg white
(Cat Flying apologies the lack of imagination in decribing the dishes)
The boiled chicken with sharkin soup was yummy! Very thick and full flavour. Even the chicken meat has absorbed the overall essence. I haven't taste such yummy soup in along long time.
The rest of the meal was disappointing. Not worth the $720 price tag. Even the signature dish - chicken was a tad too salty for my taste. In fact, almost all the dishes were too saltish for me. Even the dessert was too sweet.
Deep fried fish / Sliced fish fried with French Beans.
Steam prawns with egg white(Cat Flying apologies the lack of imagination in decribing the dishes)
Friday, June 16, 2006
Family love and ties
I am very fond of my latest toy - my compaq V2000 notebook. Using it always reminds me of T because this is a present from him! Heehee.
My house is quiet once again since Spookiemouse return to her rat hole on thursday. Mum came over today to help me iron my clothes and clean my house. Mother is really the best in the world. She will come to help me out with housework and then the accompany me so that i won't be lonely. I am very fortunate, to have my mum uncondition love. (my dad too) Must remind myself to be more filial and bring them out for more dinners.
I always feel lonely on friday nights. Especially since I used to hang out with friends. Nowadays i just want to hole up at home, play the piano, surf the net, watch tv and msn.
Oh no ! I am showing the signs of auntie-doom. Argh.....
My house is quiet once again since Spookiemouse return to her rat hole on thursday. Mum came over today to help me iron my clothes and clean my house. Mother is really the best in the world. She will come to help me out with housework and then the accompany me so that i won't be lonely. I am very fortunate, to have my mum uncondition love. (my dad too) Must remind myself to be more filial and bring them out for more dinners.
I always feel lonely on friday nights. Especially since I used to hang out with friends. Nowadays i just want to hole up at home, play the piano, surf the net, watch tv and msn.
Oh no ! I am showing the signs of auntie-doom. Argh.....
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Chris's Morris Pot
Spookiemouse has been staying over with me since monday as her room was under renovation. It was rather fun staying together and it brought back memories of our Trinity Hall days in Reading.
Yesterday, we had a Morris Pot session. Morris pot is a small steamboat and can be used as dry pan fry or normal steamboat. There is a cute story behind the buying of the morris pot. I shan't say it here. That's our Chris's secret.
It was fun, having a small steamboat for just the 3 of us. Chris brought alot of food from cold storage. We chatted, joked and watched Sex and the City together. It was for all for good fun.
Yesterday, we had a Morris Pot session. Morris pot is a small steamboat and can be used as dry pan fry or normal steamboat. There is a cute story behind the buying of the morris pot. I shan't say it here. That's our Chris's secret.
It was fun, having a small steamboat for just the 3 of us. Chris brought alot of food from cold storage. We chatted, joked and watched Sex and the City together. It was for all for good fun.
The spread with Morris Pot
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Farewell, Adieus, Good Bye
Not in the mood to do anything. This afternoon we threw a farewell lunch to J who is leaving at the end month. It seems there's a farewell once every week.
Many reasons for people to go. I could sprout out some. Every chance possible, my colleagues and I will discuss and lament at our misfortune and poor treatment by the organisation (in dollars and cents).
J's departure sparks off a serious of kamikaze engineers who feedback that our employment package sucks. Cat flying had her turn too yesterday. Very courageous, very unlike me though i am quite vocal but talking about dollars and cents is a very sensitive topic.
After everything, T's offer of stay at home wife in china looks very tempting.
Many reasons for people to go. I could sprout out some. Every chance possible, my colleagues and I will discuss and lament at our misfortune and poor treatment by the organisation (in dollars and cents).
J's departure sparks off a serious of kamikaze engineers who feedback that our employment package sucks. Cat flying had her turn too yesterday. Very courageous, very unlike me though i am quite vocal but talking about dollars and cents is a very sensitive topic.
After everything, T's offer of stay at home wife in china looks very tempting.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Family Bliss. Is that what we want?
Yesterday was family fun at my in law place. The occasion was to celebrate my little niece wen's 1 year old and hao's 4 years.
All T's siblings who were married have 2 kids each. My younger sil C, a year younger than me has 2 children. Hao's who is now 4 years old, and baby Ee turning 1 year in September.
Even Dan, my china sil, married a year later than me has 2 kids too. Lei - A smart 2 years gal who can recite Tang Poems if you dangle the ice-cream or coke carrot and the michelin baby wen.
Family bliss (with kids). Something which eludes me. I can't really say i crave for it, but then is having a complete family (as in kids and hubby) one's milestone in life?
Advantage of Kids
1. A total distraction from work
2. Reason for you to buy kiddie stuff you couldn't afford when you were young
3. Watching him / her grow up
4. See shaggyfish blog (for more)
5. Someone to "送终”
Disadvantage
1. Need to wake up at wee hours to milk
2. Need to reserve funds for their education
3. No longer able to wake up at 12pm.
4. No guarantee they will be good to you when old
5. No korean drama marathons
6. Cannot travel as and when u wish
7. May come to blows with inlaw how u educate them
8. Time no longer yours, it's theirs.
9. Divorce - where are they going?
So what happens if one is single or married but couldn't have kids?
Can happiness and family bliss be between husband and wife?
Happiness to a singleton if they enjoy what they want in life? (By choice)
All T's siblings who were married have 2 kids each. My younger sil C, a year younger than me has 2 children. Hao's who is now 4 years old, and baby Ee turning 1 year in September.
Even Dan, my china sil, married a year later than me has 2 kids too. Lei - A smart 2 years gal who can recite Tang Poems if you dangle the ice-cream or coke carrot and the michelin baby wen.
Family bliss (with kids). Something which eludes me. I can't really say i crave for it, but then is having a complete family (as in kids and hubby) one's milestone in life?
Advantage of Kids
1. A total distraction from work
2. Reason for you to buy kiddie stuff you couldn't afford when you were young
3. Watching him / her grow up
4. See shaggyfish blog (for more)
5. Someone to "送终”
Disadvantage
1. Need to wake up at wee hours to milk
2. Need to reserve funds for their education
3. No longer able to wake up at 12pm.
4. No guarantee they will be good to you when old
5. No korean drama marathons
6. Cannot travel as and when u wish
7. May come to blows with inlaw how u educate them
8. Time no longer yours, it's theirs.
9. Divorce - where are they going?
So what happens if one is single or married but couldn't have kids?
Can happiness and family bliss be between husband and wife?
Happiness to a singleton if they enjoy what they want in life? (By choice)
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Communications Technique
Thanks to Litep who send me this article.
-----------------------------------------------
A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:
We recently discussed the major indicators that a relation-
ship will not succeed long-term: stonewalling during argu-
ments, criticism, defensiveness, anger, resentment, etc.
These warning signs are not inevitabilities, though. The
good thing is that strong communication between partners can
greatly help combat these negative aspects.
Affective communication does not have to be an enigma. As we
will discuss in our communication series, positive outcomes
are often about the presentation: the order of the words you
choose, the TONE, and more. Keep in mind that many of the
techniques we will review can be applied to different types
of relationships: your romantic partner, child/parent
relationships, friends, etc. After our alarming anger article
a couple weeks ago, many of you asked that I print infor-
mation on how to affectively communicate. Just ask and you
shall receive! I have divided the communication series into
three parts, but we can adjust if necessary.
Today's Topic: Communication Techniques Part I
This might sound simplistic, but the first thing you need to
ask yourself is whether you are genuinely interested in your
partner. Also, do you sincerely WANT to know the details of
their day? Do you really want the relationship to succeed?
You both need to answer yes to those questions in order for
a successful, happy union. One person cannot maintain a
relationship. That being said, if a couple is genuinely
interested in one another, asks questions, is mutually
supportive, laughs together, etc., they have an increased
chance of long-term happiness. The question is how to achieve
a positive balance.
Affective communication is a delicate balance between properly
listening to your partner and knowing how to express yourself.
One of the most important ways a person can feel loved is by
being heard. But there are important components to knowing
HOW listen and hearing the right messages. For instance,
when a partner vents about a day or shares a problem, many
of us immediately want to solve said problem. But we need to
take ourselves out of the equation. Perhaps your partner
doesn't NEED you to solve an issue; may he/she just wants
to physcially release the problem and know you are listening.
In this case, we don't need to provide solutions; we just
need to be a sounding board. In fact, when we listen we are
actually striving to validate the person's feelings, not
necessarily solve a problem. Validate that what they are
feeling is okay; after all, we can't control our feelings,
but we can control how we express them. Thus, sometimes the
healing is in the act of being heard. Enter "reflective
listening", in which we reflect back to our partner what we
have heard .
Like I mentioned before, presentation is everything. That
means your body language needs to be in check. You must make
positive eye contact (not a blank stare, you must look alert),
bend down if the situation calls for it, mirror your partner's
body language, etc. Your body language needs to reflect that
you are fully engaged in the conversation - that means no
arms crossed or bored expressions!
Specifically listen for words that indicate how your partner
is feeling and what caused it. You want to hear as specific-
ally as possible so you can get the best possible under-
standing of the situation. But also note your partner's body
language as well. Not all people are comfortable verbally
expressing their feelings, which is why you also need to
"listen" to their body language. Note if your partner is
especially quiet, eyes are downcast, they are distracted,
etc. To hear feeling words and notice body language, you
must, again, be fully engaged. You will miss important
words or gestures if you are constantly distracted by a
chore, mentally reviewing your day, etc. I know our days
are split into a thousand different tasks, but this needs to
be a very high priority.
Now you need to "reflect" back to your partner what you have
heard. This lets your partner know you are listening and
allows them to correct an interpretation, if necessary. Even
if you hear something in a different way, your partner knows
you are genuinely concerned and making an effort. To "reflect,"
identify your partner's feeling, ie sadness, frustration,
anger, etc. Then identify WHY they are feeling this way and
then RELFECT it. For instance, "You are hurt because I went
out with my friends without considering our schedule."
In this situation, you are identifying the feeling (hurt)
followed by the reason for the situation (because you did
not consult him/her). Remember, feeling, then cause. Feeling,
then because. Try to be as exact as you can. This might seem
awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will
become. Your new techniques might catch your partner off
guard, so be patient if he/she doesn't respond exactly how
you would have expected. Just as you are learning a new skill,
so are they.
Listening and affectively expressing ourselves go hand-in-hand
and create a cycle. Next we will address how to affectively
express our feelings. A positive communication cycle can
create a harmonious atmosphere and a well of goodwill. The
more relationship goodwill you have, the more smoothly you
will be able to handle arguments. So what do you think of
reflective listening? Give it a try and let me know how it
goes for you! As always, I remain...
-----------------------------------------------
A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:
We recently discussed the major indicators that a relation-
ship will not succeed long-term: stonewalling during argu-
ments, criticism, defensiveness, anger, resentment, etc.
These warning signs are not inevitabilities, though. The
good thing is that strong communication between partners can
greatly help combat these negative aspects.
Affective communication does not have to be an enigma. As we
will discuss in our communication series, positive outcomes
are often about the presentation: the order of the words you
choose, the TONE, and more. Keep in mind that many of the
techniques we will review can be applied to different types
of relationships: your romantic partner, child/parent
relationships, friends, etc. After our alarming anger article
a couple weeks ago, many of you asked that I print infor-
mation on how to affectively communicate. Just ask and you
shall receive! I have divided the communication series into
three parts, but we can adjust if necessary.
Today's Topic: Communication Techniques Part I
This might sound simplistic, but the first thing you need to
ask yourself is whether you are genuinely interested in your
partner. Also, do you sincerely WANT to know the details of
their day? Do you really want the relationship to succeed?
You both need to answer yes to those questions in order for
a successful, happy union. One person cannot maintain a
relationship. That being said, if a couple is genuinely
interested in one another, asks questions, is mutually
supportive, laughs together, etc., they have an increased
chance of long-term happiness. The question is how to achieve
a positive balance.
Affective communication is a delicate balance between properly
listening to your partner and knowing how to express yourself.
One of the most important ways a person can feel loved is by
being heard. But there are important components to knowing
HOW listen and hearing the right messages. For instance,
when a partner vents about a day or shares a problem, many
of us immediately want to solve said problem. But we need to
take ourselves out of the equation. Perhaps your partner
doesn't NEED you to solve an issue; may he/she just wants
to physcially release the problem and know you are listening.
In this case, we don't need to provide solutions; we just
need to be a sounding board. In fact, when we listen we are
actually striving to validate the person's feelings, not
necessarily solve a problem. Validate that what they are
feeling is okay; after all, we can't control our feelings,
but we can control how we express them. Thus, sometimes the
healing is in the act of being heard. Enter "reflective
listening", in which we reflect back to our partner what we
have heard .
Like I mentioned before, presentation is everything. That
means your body language needs to be in check. You must make
positive eye contact (not a blank stare, you must look alert),
bend down if the situation calls for it, mirror your partner's
body language, etc. Your body language needs to reflect that
you are fully engaged in the conversation - that means no
arms crossed or bored expressions!
Specifically listen for words that indicate how your partner
is feeling and what caused it. You want to hear as specific-
ally as possible so you can get the best possible under-
standing of the situation. But also note your partner's body
language as well. Not all people are comfortable verbally
expressing their feelings, which is why you also need to
"listen" to their body language. Note if your partner is
especially quiet, eyes are downcast, they are distracted,
etc. To hear feeling words and notice body language, you
must, again, be fully engaged. You will miss important
words or gestures if you are constantly distracted by a
chore, mentally reviewing your day, etc. I know our days
are split into a thousand different tasks, but this needs to
be a very high priority.
Now you need to "reflect" back to your partner what you have
heard. This lets your partner know you are listening and
allows them to correct an interpretation, if necessary. Even
if you hear something in a different way, your partner knows
you are genuinely concerned and making an effort. To "reflect,"
identify your partner's feeling, ie sadness, frustration,
anger, etc. Then identify WHY they are feeling this way and
then RELFECT it. For instance, "You are hurt because I went
out with my friends without considering our schedule."
In this situation, you are identifying the feeling (hurt)
followed by the reason for the situation (because you did
not consult him/her). Remember, feeling, then cause. Feeling,
then because. Try to be as exact as you can. This might seem
awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will
become. Your new techniques might catch your partner off
guard, so be patient if he/she doesn't respond exactly how
you would have expected. Just as you are learning a new skill,
so are they.
Listening and affectively expressing ourselves go hand-in-hand
and create a cycle. Next we will address how to affectively
express our feelings. A positive communication cycle can
create a harmonious atmosphere and a well of goodwill. The
more relationship goodwill you have, the more smoothly you
will be able to handle arguments. So what do you think of
reflective listening? Give it a try and let me know how it
goes for you! As always, I remain...
Friday, June 09, 2006
Home Alone
When night falls, all of us will pack our bags, drag our weary body and be on the way home.
Home - A place which gives u security and happiness. Place where you can be with your love ones, where u will missed ur love ones when they are not around. Home, a place where every nook and corner of the house bring back memories.
After a tired day from work, i missed T. Missed my mum and my family. Mum used to come over for the weekend to help alleviate my loneliness, yet sometimes I would take the opportunity to throw tantrums, and complaint that she watched too much TV. I am a bad bad daughter!
The 1 hr 1/2 piano pounding helps a little. At least it lets me forget that i am alone and there's music to accompany me. Somehow, my home looks terribly cold tonight. Lacking the breath of life, lacking the human "aura".
Maybe Spookiemouse might think its a good idea to stay alone. But i would give an arm to have my family with me right now.
Argh....I feeling moody.
Home - A place which gives u security and happiness. Place where you can be with your love ones, where u will missed ur love ones when they are not around. Home, a place where every nook and corner of the house bring back memories.
After a tired day from work, i missed T. Missed my mum and my family. Mum used to come over for the weekend to help alleviate my loneliness, yet sometimes I would take the opportunity to throw tantrums, and complaint that she watched too much TV. I am a bad bad daughter!
The 1 hr 1/2 piano pounding helps a little. At least it lets me forget that i am alone and there's music to accompany me. Somehow, my home looks terribly cold tonight. Lacking the breath of life, lacking the human "aura".
Maybe Spookiemouse might think its a good idea to stay alone. But i would give an arm to have my family with me right now.
Argh....I feeling moody.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
My Siang Siang
One of the things i like in life is sunning my pillows. My personal pillow has followed me since young, bearing the stain of my happiness, sorrow and needless to say, my sa**v*!
I simply love the scent of sun on the pillow, remind me of fresh mellow, of happiness, of bright light! A sniff of it will bring me to cloud nine and assure me of the sweet dreams to come. Having my "siang siang" is one enjoyment i missed when i was in UK.
Any slightest chance i have , i would bring my siang siang out to sun. Saturday, Sunday, Public Holiday.
This morning I did something foolish. I left my siang siang out in the open hoping to catch some sun. This is something i never done before, some risk on my part but hey.. the weather so hot these few days, better get some "food" for my SS.
While walking home this evening, I noticed the wet puddles of water on the pavement! auntie at the chi char store told me :
"Rain? Yes. Quite heavy oh, for a short while this afternoon"
Sad enough, when i reached home, i saw my half drown siang siang dangling on my window parapet!
All my fault!!!! ARgh................My pillow!!!!
There goes my sweet dreams!
I simply love the scent of sun on the pillow, remind me of fresh mellow, of happiness, of bright light! A sniff of it will bring me to cloud nine and assure me of the sweet dreams to come. Having my "siang siang" is one enjoyment i missed when i was in UK.
Any slightest chance i have , i would bring my siang siang out to sun. Saturday, Sunday, Public Holiday.
This morning I did something foolish. I left my siang siang out in the open hoping to catch some sun. This is something i never done before, some risk on my part but hey.. the weather so hot these few days, better get some "food" for my SS.
While walking home this evening, I noticed the wet puddles of water on the pavement! auntie at the chi char store told me :
"Rain? Yes. Quite heavy oh, for a short while this afternoon"
Sad enough, when i reached home, i saw my half drown siang siang dangling on my window parapet!
All my fault!!!! ARgh................My pillow!!!!
There goes my sweet dreams!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Techno Idiot has a new notebook
This morning, I was one of those kiasu people cramming the PC show at Suntec.
Not because i wanted anything badly to brave the terrible human traffic, no parking lots and the sticky hot weather, but T wanted to get a Palm TX!! and a new notebook for me! Very wasteful because Cat has a fujitsu lifestyle notebook (office) and the dell at home is working albeit alittle slow. Very wasteful.
But since T is going to pay most of it, who am i to say no ? So after 4 hours of browsing in the PC show, I got a brand new Compaq Pesario. Don't ask me what model. I also no idea. I just know that its' 1 G ram, 60G memory, 1.8mhz, Pentium Centrino, DVD RW. Freebies i got 1g SD Card, 1 headphone with mic, the rest standard. Damage was 1.5k. $15 dollars extra for visa charge.
Meanwhile, i also got his palm tx and a linksys wireless router which is causing me alot of grieve from 830 pm till now. I couldn't figure out how to set the password.
First, i thought the package didn't come with the CD rom, so i tried to set up myself. Then realise any tom, dick harry can log into my router cos theres no password. Alot of cursing and swearing later, i managed to discover my installation pack. So i tried to set up again, with password and all.
Then... I can't log into my secured network ! #$#^%$^
HELP....!!!!!
Not because i wanted anything badly to brave the terrible human traffic, no parking lots and the sticky hot weather, but T wanted to get a Palm TX!! and a new notebook for me! Very wasteful because Cat has a fujitsu lifestyle notebook (office) and the dell at home is working albeit alittle slow. Very wasteful.
But since T is going to pay most of it, who am i to say no ? So after 4 hours of browsing in the PC show, I got a brand new Compaq Pesario. Don't ask me what model. I also no idea. I just know that its' 1 G ram, 60G memory, 1.8mhz, Pentium Centrino, DVD RW. Freebies i got 1g SD Card, 1 headphone with mic, the rest standard. Damage was 1.5k. $15 dollars extra for visa charge.
Meanwhile, i also got his palm tx and a linksys wireless router which is causing me alot of grieve from 830 pm till now. I couldn't figure out how to set the password.
First, i thought the package didn't come with the CD rom, so i tried to set up myself. Then realise any tom, dick harry can log into my router cos theres no password. Alot of cursing and swearing later, i managed to discover my installation pack. So i tried to set up again, with password and all.
Then... I can't log into my secured network ! #$#^%$^
HELP....!!!!!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Big Event at Work
This morning, my entire office was bustling with activities. From as early as 8am, most of us were already in our position for the T3 Topping Up Ceremony.
Unlike Budget Terminal, no expense were spared for this event. After all, T3 is going to be the flagship terminal when it opens up in year 2008. Coincidently, this is the last event for ex Minister for Transport, Mr Yeo Cheow Tong. Ex because in the afternoon, he will passing the portfolio to Mr Raymond Lim.
Sunflowers decorated the event hall, stage and the entrance. It was a burst of yellowness every where! (plus Cat wore a yellow shirt, so blend in with the flowers! ) My only complain was its too hot. Despite many portable coolers, the temperature hovered at about i think 28 degrees. With so many spot lights shining, nearly impossible to cool the event are to 24 degrees! *sweat*
Cat Flying was tasked the reception in-charge. All our guests were given a piece of T3 roof to go home with! Ha... at this point you might be puzzled, how to carry the roof home?
Make a guess!
Unlike Budget Terminal, no expense were spared for this event. After all, T3 is going to be the flagship terminal when it opens up in year 2008. Coincidently, this is the last event for ex Minister for Transport, Mr Yeo Cheow Tong. Ex because in the afternoon, he will passing the portfolio to Mr Raymond Lim.
Sunflowers decorated the event hall, stage and the entrance. It was a burst of yellowness every where! (plus Cat wore a yellow shirt, so blend in with the flowers! ) My only complain was its too hot. Despite many portable coolers, the temperature hovered at about i think 28 degrees. With so many spot lights shining, nearly impossible to cool the event are to 24 degrees! *sweat*
Cat Flying was tasked the reception in-charge. All our guests were given a piece of T3 roof to go home with! Ha... at this point you might be puzzled, how to carry the roof home?
Make a guess!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Staying Alone
Staying alone could be quite fun at first. You can have parties, do late nights, wear whatever I fancy without anyone nagging.
After one year and five months of staying alone, I can say its no longer fun.
Reasons :
1. Becoming a hermit. Lazy to interact with friends
2. Changing bulb is no fun
3. Cleaning the house is worse
4. Cooking for one person is almost impossible. (unless u count instant noodle as "cooking"
5. I hate to investigate why the door bell is not working
6. The new year decor is still hanging there. No one is taking it down
7. The house is too quiet sometimes
Sometimes i just wish that T is home with me. At least there's someone who won't fail to nag at me!!
After one year and five months of staying alone, I can say its no longer fun.
Reasons :
1. Becoming a hermit. Lazy to interact with friends
2. Changing bulb is no fun
3. Cleaning the house is worse
4. Cooking for one person is almost impossible. (unless u count instant noodle as "cooking"
5. I hate to investigate why the door bell is not working
6. The new year decor is still hanging there. No one is taking it down
7. The house is too quiet sometimes
Sometimes i just wish that T is home with me. At least there's someone who won't fail to nag at me!!
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